Obituary

Here we pay tribute to Clare Briggs-Jude, beloved lead, clown, turkey, snowman, sister-in-law and friend. Known to her close friends as “Clarf”, Clare was best known for being the only person on our curling team that anyone liked. She also swept and threw the first two rocks of each end. One time, she made breakfast sandwiches and brought them to a curling tournament for her teammates. Those sandwiches fuckin’ slapped.

Clare passed tragically in 2026 after being forced back to the office two days a week. The desk chairs at her company’s office were not subject to ergonomic asessments, and she died of terminal Exploding Lumbar Syndrome. It was quick and very painful, but at least she created some real good value for shareholders. She is survived by her favorite niece, Charlie and her former teammates, James (Taylor), Colin (Sarah) and Greg (unmarried).

In lieu of donations, please send flowers to Clare’s apartment. Clare will really enjoy them, because she’s not actually dead, she just doesn’t curl with us anymore.